Conversations With My Son

What?! No wifi?!

Son: Mom can I go to work with you for a couple of hours tomorrow?
Me: Probably not a good idea, you know my boss isn’t very kid friendly. 
Son: Tell her I’ll promise to not to talk or make any kid noises. 
Me: Why do you want to come to work with me so badly? I thought you like hanging out at Aunt Jen’s house. 
Son: I do but she has some appointment tomorrow. 
Me: Did she say you couldn’t go with her?
Son: No, she told me they don’t have wifi there.

IE Junk

Son: Mom why do people use Internet Explorer?
Me: Because some people are t-nugs.
Son: I make fun of my teachers when I see them using IE.
Me: Why does this not surprise me? 
Me: Explain “make fun”….
Son: I tell them IE is outdated junk and it’ll give them a really bad virus.
Me: LOL! What do you know about browsers?
Son: I know that all the cool people use Chrome.
Me: Okay… so maybe you know more than I thought.
Me: Does the “all the cool kids are doing it” bit work on your teachers?
Son: Uh huh, my math teacher even made fun of my science teacher for using IE. 
Me: Did your science teacher download Chrome?
Son: Yeah duh! He had to or nobody would have taken him serious.

Only the Big Ones

Me: Tre why is there a lizard on the table?
Son: I don’t know, maybe he’s hungry.
Me: Did you catch him and bring him in the house?
Son: Not this one.
Me: What do you mean not this one?
Son: He’s too small, I only catch the big ones.
Me: Are there any big ones in the house?
Son: Not recently.
Me: That’s a relief.

Ouch!

Son: Is this gonna hurt?
Me: You have a frigging fish hook stuck in your finger Tre! It’s not gonna feel like a foot massage!
Son: Promise you’ll count all the way to three? 
Me: Only if you’ll believe me. 
Son: I believe you, just hurry up and get it out! 
Me: Ready? One…. TWO!
Son: AHH! You didn’t count to three!!
Me: I know cause you told me to hurry! 
Son: Cheater!

Cracked

Son: Mom if your iPhone drops on the floor and cracks can I have it?
Me: Wait, what?! What are you planning Tre?
Son: Nothing, I just want to know if I can have it if it gets cracked.
Me: Where’s my phone? Did something happen to it?
Son: It’s in my room.
Me: Go get me my phone.
Son: It’s fine mom, nothing happened to it.
Me: So why won’t you bring it to me then?
Son: Because I’m comfortable.
Me: You won’t be very comfortable if I find out you’re lying to me about breaking my phone.
Son: I’m not, I was just curious. What if my TV falls on the floor and breaks? Can I get a new one.
Me: Why? Did something happen to your TV?
Son: Kind of, but at least your iPhone is ok.

Check

Me: It’s your bet. 
Son: I fold. 
Me: Don’t fold, check. 
Son: Fold. 
Me: It’s free to check Tre’. 
Son: I don’t want to check Mom. 
Me: Just check Tre’. 
Son: Fine! Check. 
Me: I fold.
Son: MOM! You’re supposed to check back or bet!
Me: See how quickly you learn?

Rob’s House

Son: Mom can I go over Rob’s house to shoot some hoops?
Me: Is that the same little punk who lit off firecrackers in our garage?
Son: That was me Mom.
Me: Oh. Did I ever ground you for that? 
Son: No cause I blamed it on Rob.
Me: In that case I have no reason to dislike Rob, go ahead. 
Son: Cool thanks.
Me: No thank you for busting yourself. You’re doing all the housework this weekend.
Son: Greaaat….

Rubber Bands

Me: What happened to all the rubber bands I had?
Son: Which ones?
Me: Um, all of them. There’s only one left in the bag. 
Son: If there’s one left then you’re not missing all of them.
Me: Don’t get smart with me Tre’. 
Son: Okaaaay I’ll get smart by myself then, but I think you could use my help in basic math. 
Me: You’re a funny guy. 
Son: I’m smart and funny? I obviously take after you. 
Me: How sweet, now go find the rubber bands. 
Son: All of them?

New Binder

Son: Mom I need a new binder.
Me: What do you mean you need a new binder? I just bought you a newbinder.
Son: It’s not new enough. 
Me: What do you mean it’s not new enough? New is new!
Son: Somethings are newer than others.
Me: What’s wrong with the binder I just bought you last week? 
Son: I broke it.
Me: You need a new binder then.
Son: I also broke an Xbox game.
Me: Don’t press your luck.